Don't think about Elephants

Mother has a new boyfriend, father has a new girlfriend. Even though we are on vacation, he seems to spend more time in front of his phone, talking to her, than having a conversation with me. It matters because we don’t see each other often on a regular basis.

I’ve been to a party, J. and M. – two boys that I like – were also there. I had planned to make out with one of them, but decided that would be an unrealistic wish. After I left, they made out with each other.

I could have pulled it off, too. But I missed the opportunity. It depresses me.

Everybody seems more-loved and better integrated into society than me. I know this is a symptom of depression. I don’t want to be depressed.

Even though I try to live a healthy life, I want to grab a bottle of liqueur, a pack of cigarettes, and feel like garbage, with style.

It feels like I’m going to be alone forever.